All I Want For Christmas...

30 December 2007

All I Want For Christmas...

Is For You To Get Out of My Way. 

Now, from my very basic grasp of economics, I understand that towns thrive from tourism, and people. But to be brutally honest, people are a pain.

December rolled round, which meant that at least 40% of British citizens could count the number of days until Christmas, surely, but it has taken them until this last week before the Big Day to realise that if they want to exchange gifts, that they must go out shopping, NOW. This means, however, for the student that spends a ridiculous amount of time waiting for buses in Taunton, it is now almost impossible to move.

Covering the pavements from Primark to Debenham's, the great British public are out in force- thronging along the street, cluttering up shops and generally ambling about at least half the pace that’s needed. They're holding up the queue before you, searching their purses for that extra 10p, they're bickering with each other as they try to manoeuvre cars into spaces that could barely fit a bicycle, and they're blocking the pavement in front of you, because Karen's brought the kids along, and they all want to hold hands.

And have you noticed that Christmas Shoppers tend to be slightly surprised when they almost walk into inanimate objects such as bins, lampposts, or walls? This is because they see nothing but the list of names they're scrolling through in their heads. They run straight across roads, because whether a car is coming or not is secondary to the importance of getting little Timmy that toy boat he wanted.

And if you're trying to get anywhere? To be frank, it's probably quicker and easier to pick yourself a doorway and wait it out until after the January sales. Anything's better than battling your way through that seething throng of Christmas Shoppers.

And there are just so many of them! I have had to fight my way through them to get to the bus station almost every day after college for the past week, and they all look so utterly miserable that you would think they had been forced here. Which they haven't, unless you include coercion from the friendly people at advertising.

But the main problem with Christmas presents, after actually buying them, of course, is that they are so rarely liked. Everyone can relate to the swooping feeling you get in your stomach when you see that box shaped parcel and you just know, in your heart of hearts, it's going to be Mermaid-Barbie, and then it turns out to be a  'learn to sew!' kit from Great Aunty Edna. And then you have to smile like your world hasn't just come crashing down around your ears, and go and give her a kiss to say thank you- only you get confused which one is her, as all of your elderly relatives have grey hair and a moustache.

So my conclusion? Send out those funny bits of paper in envelopes with that woman's face on the corner, to all those you know and hold dear, and I'm sure they'll appreciate it more than that fancy candle holder thing that you saw in Woolworth's the other day.

Bah humbug, and a happy new year to you all.